tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25398797964561842672024-03-13T06:45:12.861-06:00Desert PetrichorIn the desert, you can remember your name...Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-64450364005393292502014-03-24T21:56:00.001-06:002014-03-24T21:56:43.459-06:00AddictionI recently had the privilege of attending a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting as part of a training course.<br />
<br />
The experience was profound.<br />
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It was particularly moving to see the amazing amount of love and patience a group of people recovering from life-controlling substances showed with each other. Not only was it infinitely more love than I ever saw in Fundamentalism, it's more love than most of the world exhibits, especially with "difficult" people. <br />
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Oddly enough however, I was also struck by how many of the concepts they discussed applied to me as a non-addict. And though I don't want to take away from the struggle of those recovering from addiction and make it about me, I learned a great deal.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Drunk: bad. Sober: good."<br />"Sobriety gives you everything that alcohol promised *it* would give you."<br />"I was in a prison of my own making."<br />"Thank you all for loving me until I could love myself."<br />"The only person I was deceiving was myself. Everyone around me knew there was a problem."</blockquote>
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In a particularly poignant moment, a young woman in the group said that she had been lying in her warm bed the previous night and the thought crossed her mind - for the first time since she could remember - that she <b>deserved</b> to sleep in a warm bed. She hadn't ever though she deserved anything like that before. What a tragedy that one of God's children, an <i>imago dei,</i> didn't think she deserved something even as basic as shelter from the cold.<br /><br />And at once I felt not only compassion for her but a kinship with her. Because if there's one thing Fundamentalism is good at, it's taking the human condition and adding to its pain rather than emphasizing the love of God and the comfort of grace. <br />
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Through that experience, I came face-to-face with the fact that my name is Clara, and I'm a Fundamentalist.<br />
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I am addicted to following rules and feeling superior. I'm addicted to having a right answer for everything. I'm addicted to being so busy doing things to "take a stand" or to "hold the higher standard" or to "avoid the appearance of evil" - ironically all the while proclaiming that salvation isn't works-based. I work so hard to explain away my arrogance and lack of love - all while fooling nobody, except maybe other Fundamentalists.<br />
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And then I found grace. <br />
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Grace gave me everything that Fundamentalism promised *it* would give me.<br />
Fundamentalism: Bad.<br />
Grace: Good.<br />
<br />
Amen.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-24459834173919471172014-03-06T23:40:00.004-07:002014-03-06T23:40:47.303-07:00Big EasyThis year on Shrove Tuesday, the Episcopal Church we attend <a href="http://www.mcselca.org/forms/Service_Installation_of_a_Pastor.pdf" target="_blank">installed an associate pastor</a>.<br />
<br />
It wasn't just any installation.<br />
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This person was ordained a Lutheran minister and this is his first call - meaning he's fresh out of Lutheran seminary and this is his first church to serve in. It was a monumental cooperative effort on the part of the Lutheran Church, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, and the Episcopal Church.<br /><br />Three of the of the four members of the clergy performing the installation were women.<br />
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And oh, by the way - he's gay.<br />
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Now, in my fundamentalist life, every part of this event would have been, literally, anathema. Every denomination involved is considered apostate by all but the very liberal fringes of fundamentalism (and <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2012/10/breaking.html" target="_blank">even they have a lot of reservations</a>). Not to mention that female clergy or the ordination of a gay priest are utterly unthinkable.<br />
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And yet...<br />
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And yet, my husband and I could not stop talking that night about how present the Holy Spirit was during that service.<br />
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I can't explain it. I wasn't expecting it or looking for it. But God was most certainly in it. <br />
<br />
Thanks be to God.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-49171475113868297502014-03-05T22:26:00.000-07:002014-03-05T22:26:58.702-07:00IrresolutionGRACE and BJU are now back under the same original contract, with no changes.<br />
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BJU called their termination a "<a href="http://blogs.bju.edu/pr/2014/02/25/bju-reengages-grace-to-complete-independent-review/" target="_blank">suspension</a>" when they announced the re-engagement. BJU even changed the wording on their <a href="http://www.bju.edu/about/grace.php" target="_blank">original announcement</a> to engage GRACE as an ombudsman, now terming victims as people "inadequately helped by the University's response" - presumably largely in response to Pastor Ryan Ferguson's incredible video appeal to the University (now marked "private" on YouTube, but you can still <a href="http://bjunews.com/2014/02/20/greenville-pastor-blasts-bjus-handling-of-grace-i-am-personally-aware-of-the-disappointment-confusion-and-hurt-that-your-decision-and-subsequent-communication-caused/" target="_blank">find the transcript here.</a>)<br />
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But nowhere has the University apologized for its actions, admitted its gaffe, or given even a hint that the enormous public outcry could have had anything to do with the re-instatement of GRACE. There's nothing to see here, and you all should just move along. We were going to finish this investigation anyway.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: right;">
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<i>We are at war with Eurasia. We have always been at war with Eurasia.</i></div>
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- Nineteen Eighty-Four</div>
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BJU supporters also continue their cognitive dissonance. The leaps of logic required to get from "GRACE was doing something illegal" before the reinstatement to "GRACE owes BJU an apology" after the reinstatement are just too exhausting to parse.<br />
<br />
However, there are a small subset of BJU supporters who are waking up as they ask very good questions and get very unsatisfactory answers from the University. The facade is so much harder to maintain now thanks to the openness the internet provides.<br />
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I suppose it's only human to try to evade that much honesty in a place so insistent on perfection even to the point of rewriting history. And it's my opinion that the report that GRACE will publish will devastate BJU and its supporters, so they have good reason to be squeamish.<br />
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However, my hope that BJU will do the right thing at the end is a lot more feeble than it was mere weeks ago.<br />
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Please, BJU, surprise me. Because I have the sense that you're just filling up your cup of wrath rather than realizing your error.<br />
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<br />Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-25962880648118490592014-02-15T00:05:00.001-07:002014-02-18T10:25:51.115-07:00Cognitive Dissonance Part 2<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn't fit in with the core belief.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~ Frantz Fanon</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> What if we took the dry litany of facts as <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2014/02/cognitive-dissonance-part-1.html" target="_blank">outlined in the last post</a> and replaced each institution with other similar or more neutral ones - say, making it BYU hiring and then firing an ombudsman just before their report, or Penn State firing Louis Freeh weeks before he released his findings - would fundamentalists be able to accept the troubling facts? Would they then be able to see that the inconsistencies and motives for deception are all falling down on one side? Because after what has happened to this point, one would think that anyone paying any attention inside BJU circles would be able to see that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.<br /><br />But if one took that for granted, one would be wrong.<br /><br /> I have watched BJU supporters in multiple online conversations about the situation and find the conversations to be very disheartening. The <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2011/06/denial-aint-just-river-in-egypt-part-2.html">same old spiritually abusive lines</a> keep coming up over and over again. I feel that for the responses to be so very consistent, there has to be some unifying factor - and I believe that factor is a strongly held core belief that BJU simply cannot be the one at fault. Here are several illustrations:</span><br />
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<li>The first group seems to be the "wait for the real story to come out" group - despite the fact that nearly every troubling fact I chronicled previously happened by the end of the first day or two and was all very very public:</li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vhOvfv24enE/Uv7x4N6_HKI/AAAAAAAAAGk/znBWhWO-cy0/s1600/blog7.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vhOvfv24enE/Uv7x4N6_HKI/AAAAAAAAAGk/znBWhWO-cy0/s1600/blog7.jpg" /></a></span></div>
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</span><span style="font-size: x-small;">(Many of these sorts of comments came from people who didn't seem to realize that the individuals first outraged and commenting on this issue were largely those who had either reported to GRACE or who were well informed as to what many abuse victims had suffered. You know, people who probably knew something pretty concrete about the issue at hand and had actual experience with both institutions. But never mind them, they're just haters.)</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then there's what I call the "Scripture silencers". You know, those people who drop a verse to shame everyone into silence. I even saw one person state plainly "not one person should be speaking up against BJU" with a verse attached. It's so consistent that they have to be thinking they're doing the right thing:</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yGffvvezOxE/Uv7x4TVbyfI/AAAAAAAAAGo/9hi0mHOwdoo/s1600/blog8.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yGffvvezOxE/Uv7x4TVbyfI/AAAAAAAAAGo/9hi0mHOwdoo/s1600/blog8.jpg" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gXoX-w7PDhI/Uv7x3mvik8I/AAAAAAAAAGY/QgwoWWKamWQ/s1600/blog5.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gXoX-w7PDhI/Uv7x3mvik8I/AAAAAAAAAGY/QgwoWWKamWQ/s1600/blog5.jpg" /></a></span><br />
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<li>Don't forget the impressively vague "reasons" - not that anyone can back up their "reasons" with anything concrete. Abuse victims are crying out for justice for what they suffered to anyone who will listen, but don't blame BJU, because "reasons". </li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-59g1_1Ow6RA/Uv7x3EdMocI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/jlMgzXFzzWM/s1600/blog1.jpg" /></span></div>
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(Just what clear or consistent reasons has Stephen given to this point? Anything?)</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ABLzC2xhyo4/Uv7x4ZO_1MI/AAAAAAAAAG4/XwZghXcfwOQ/s1600/blog4.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ABLzC2xhyo4/Uv7x4ZO_1MI/AAAAAAAAAG4/XwZghXcfwOQ/s1600/blog4.jpg" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(Ah, so "reasons" wasn't good enough for you. So now, "legal reasons". Will you shut up if I say "legal"?)</span></span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And if it isn't the blissfully ignorant group with a drive-by dismissal of anything approaching criticism of the University:</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zAWgJloptQY/Uv7x34yWU2I/AAAAAAAAAGg/fhUXar9WwO0/s1600/blog6.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zAWgJloptQY/Uv7x34yWU2I/AAAAAAAAAGg/fhUXar9WwO0/s1600/blog6.jpg" /></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">(Because only unthankful people would say something against the school.</span></div>
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Though, apparently, it's really easy to find things to criticize for some odd reason...)</div>
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<li>It also didn't take long before people started to dig up what they thought was dirt on GRACE as a justification for BJU's actions. Because that's one of the only conclusions one can come to if one is convinced BJU had a good reason for doing what they did. This came from a discussion about<a href="http://www.bishop-accountability.org/reports/2010_08_28_GRACE_Fanda_Report.pdf"> GRACE's report on New Tribes Mission</a> (don't go reading that link unless you have time and stomach enough to read 68 pages of horrific and painfully well-documented abuse). When you don't believe there's really a problem, then someone thoroughly investigating and making strong recommendations for repentence and restitution can't be anything but vindictive, right?</li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F37HtHMIu7Q/Uv732wA1e1I/AAAAAAAAAHU/cu3UgfjxB-g/s1600/blog11.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F37HtHMIu7Q/Uv732wA1e1I/AAAAAAAAAHU/cu3UgfjxB-g/s1600/blog11.jpg" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(Seriously, why on earth would an investigation responsible for adequately documenting and making recommendations regarding a well-known abusive situation - already admitted to by some of the perpetrators as well as NTM who previously "investigated" it - would attempt to find out every detail possible? I mean really, what were they thinking?)</span></span></div>
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<li>Finally, there's the people who say one thing and then completely contradict themselves...</li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-luW7Jk3z_x4/Uv7321tMl4I/AAAAAAAAAHQ/5E1QxDz7vq8/s1600/blog9.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-luW7Jk3z_x4/Uv7321tMl4I/AAAAAAAAAHQ/5E1QxDz7vq8/s1600/blog9.jpg" /></a></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gXYTL_XSa6E/Uv7327_TMmI/AAAAAAAAAHM/WP3MiFt_j-4/s1600/blog10.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gXYTL_XSa6E/Uv7327_TMmI/AAAAAAAAAHM/WP3MiFt_j-4/s1600/blog10.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(Same person commenting on the thread s/he started; said person continued to </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">demonstrate </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">that s/he has no idea about the issue and went on to</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">make foolish assumptions/treat people badly/make ridiculous conclusions.)</span></div>
<br /><br />Yes, indeed - how someone responds to this situation does give you a hint as to the kind of person they are. But in a wildly different way than this person seem to realize.<br /><br />Which leads me to my final thoughts: <i>why did I ultimately leave Fundamentalism?</i><br /><br />There are now 70 published blog posts here describing different facets of the answer to that question. <b>But really, why?</b> Why should these individual occurrences, numerous though they are, drive me so utterly away?<br /><br />Because nearly everybody I quoted up there is not "one of <i>those</i>" fundamentalists. They're largely normalish, reasonably rational people who try to love God and love their neighbor insofar as the rules let them, and who genuinely don't get what all the outrage is about. They don't want to be mean to anybody, and they're often willing to dialogue, but they keep operating on their core belief and say appallingly callous and hurtful things because of it.<br /><br />When so many of the "normal" people in Fundamentalism come down on the side of the abuser rather than the abused, when the knee-jerk responses are so predictably spiritually abusive it would be comical if they weren't dead earnest - well, something evil lurks there. These otherwise relatively decent people perpetuate spiritual abuse not out of a mean spirit or on purpose, but because they honestly think that's the right thing to do. It's the pattern their core beliefs dictate.<br /><br />My dear fundamentalist, when your festering wounds make even the world stagger away and retch while you fail to see a problem, there is little of God there. There is little of the Holy Spirit there. When even the best of fundamentalism acts in such an appalling manner, the best of Fundamentalism doesn't know who Jesus is.<br /><br />I wanted Jesus. So I left. </span></div>
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<br />
Here are some salient quotes (emphasis mine on this and all subsequent quotations) from <a href="http://www.bju.edu/about/grace.php" target="_blank">the announcement</a>, made at that time with much public fanfare:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...we sought out a third-party Christian organization with which we could partner in an effort to identify any past instances in which former students or others felt <b>underserved</b> by the University’s response. We are grateful to have found GRACE, a <b>credible, compassionate, and experienced</b> Christian organization which conducts independent investigations and solicits unfiltered input from those who have experienced sexual abuse within Christian organizations or who have otherwise felt underserved by the Christian organizations they trusted to help them deal with the wrongs they suffered previously.</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
It is our prayer that this partnership with GRACE—<b>operated with complete autonomy from Bob Jones University</b>—will create an atmosphere of <b>trust and complete honesty</b>...</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
In retaining GRACE to conduct this third party investigation, the leadership of Bob Jones University/Academy <b>has pledged to honor the integrity and independence of the investigative process</b> <b>and to cooperate fully</b> with the GRACE Investigative Team. </blockquote>
<br />
An update to the process by GRACE was posted on that site in March 2013, May 2013, August 2013, and November 2013, which can be read from the original announcement page. GRACE was planning on wrapping up interviews in February 2014 and was scheduled to release its final report in March 2014.<br />
<br />
On January 24, 2014 University president Stephen Jones sent GRACE a letter of termination of the contract.<br />
<br />
On January 27, 2014, GRACE received it.<br />
<br />
On February 6, after days of trying to elicit reasons for the surprise termination from the University and being stymied, GRACE <a href="http://netgrace.org/wp-content/uploads/Termination-Announcement-FINAL.pdf" target="_blank">released a public announcement</a> indicating they had been terminated, and <a href="http://www.netgrace.org/wp-content/uploads/Termination-Letter.pdf" target="_blank">posted Dr. Jones' letter</a> as well.<br />
<br />
From GRACE's announcement:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
This ‘Notice’ took GRACE by complete surprise as there had been no prior indications from BJU that termination was even being considered.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
Despite repeated requests, GRACE has not been informed of why the agreement was terminated.</blockquote>
<br />
In Dr. Jones' letter, (marked "CONFIDENTIAL" at the top), he speaks of the University's Sexual Abuse Awareness Training they put in place, as well as new policies in the works. He vaguely indicates the reason for the termination is the "ongoing challenges in leadership change" as he is stepping down as President soon.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Bob Jones University is <b>prepared to meet with GRACE immediately</b>. We think that it is in the best public interest of both GRACE and BJU to meet and reach a new agreement that will enable us to accomplish our objectives as stated above.</blockquote>
(The objectives stated at the top of the letter were "appropriately responding to reports of sexual abuse and identifying opportunities to ask forgiveness of individuals we may have <b>underserved</b> when they reported to us they had been abused at some point in their life".)<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
We respectfully request that all documents, information, and interviews <b>be kept confidential</b>.</blockquote>
<br />
Alumni who have been watching the GRACE investigation with interest were stunned, and started to make their voices known.<br />
<br />
The University hastily <a href="http://blogs.bju.edu/pr/2014/02/06/bob-jones-university-terminates-agreement-with-grace/" target="_blank">released a public statement</a> regarding the termination.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Over the last several months, we grew concerned about how GRACE was pursuing our objectives, and on Jan. 27, 2014, BJU terminated its contract with GRACE. It is BJU’s intention to resolve its differences with GRACE, and we are disappointed a resolution could not be reached before our differences were made public. </blockquote>
<br />
Since the public firestorm continued to grow, on February 7 BJU held a brief meeting for faculty and students to explain why GRACE was terminated. The <a href="http://blogs.bju.edu/pr/2014/02/07/update-from-dr-stephen-jones-on-grace/" target="_blank">video and an update were posted</a> by the University. A watchdog group <a href="http://bjunews.com/2014/02/07/audio-from-bjus-student-body-g-r-a-c-e-termination-meeting-leaked-available-here-wtranscript/" target="_blank">posted a transcription</a> of his comments as well prior to the University's release.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
But over just the past months, the last several months, we grew concerned that in the process<br />
GRACE had begun going beyond the originally outlined intentions. And so we wanted to sit down and talk about them, because they had gone askew. And so we terminated our agreement with GRACE, so that we can sit down and get it back on track. And that was the entire intention of terminating the agreement and if you look on it, instead of on GRACE's web site or ours, that's clear in my letter of termination.</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
We have not shared the reasons for our termination at this point, from a distance.<br />
We have not done them point by point with GRACE or with anybody else...</blockquote>
<br />
Dr. Jones reiterated that BJU was committed to finishing the process, whether with GRACE or with a third party. He expressed that the University cares deeply for the people who had reported.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
And I just want to reiterate that we are committed, remain committed to <b>identifying</b> and reaching out to those individuals.</blockquote>
<br />
Several news outlets have picked up the story, now including the venerable <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/12/education/christian-school-faulted-for-halting-abuse-study.html?_r=0" target="_blank">New York Times</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
**UPDATE** - BJU and GRACE have agreed to meet the third week of February.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Now</u>. <u>Questions</u>.</b><br />
<ol>
<li>Is "underserved" the best word choice to refer to those whom the University counseled not to report their abusers/rapists, who were told they had a part in their abuse or rape, who were told their PTSD flashbacks from the events was "indulging in lustful thoughts", or for whom the University did not call the police when underage or when the events occurred on campus?</li>
<li>Is abruptly terminating a consultant without explanation honoring the University's pledge to give that consultant autonomy and independence?</li>
<li>Does abruptly terminating a consultant without explanation engender an atmosphere of trust and honesty on the part of the University?</li>
<li>Is it standard practice to terminate a much-publicized contractual agreement confidentially, with no warning?</li>
<li>Is it an example of transparency and accountability to terminate a much-publicized contractual agreement confidentially, with no warning? </li>
<li>Is it standard practice to terminate an agreement with no prior negotiation, indicate a desire to immediately meet to discuss the issue, and then refuse to discuss the issue for over a week?</li>
<li>Is it logical to terminate an agreement in order to continue an agreement? Does it demonstrate a commitment to completion of an investigation?</li>
<li>Was Dr. Jones' termination letter clear?</li>
<li>Is the reason given in the termination letter the same as the reason given in BJU's public statement? Is that statement then the same as the reason given by Dr. Jones at the meeting?</li>
<li>Is the University going to get the names of all the people who reported to GRACE even if the investigation is not continued? </li>
<li>Is abruptly terminating an agreement with GRACE without warning, declining to be open with GRACE about why, and giving varying public answers as to why termination occured demonstrating commitment to or compassion for the "underserved"?</li>
<li>UPDATE QUESTION - Is meeting "immediately" in a letter dated January 24 consistent with a meeting date of almost 1 month later?</li>
</ol>
<br />
<br />
Surely the apparent answers to these questions will not be nearly so troubling once the "full story comes out". Surely.<br />
<br />
<br />Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-80228528112258290002013-10-20T21:30:00.000-06:002013-11-02T21:25:20.309-06:00Re: RebukeIn Fundamentalism, "rebuke" comes up a lot. It seems to happen all the time. It happens so often that you start to think it's normal after a while - and is often equated with love, so that if someone rebukes you in a nasty way it's because they love you. And after a while, you can't separate love from anger anymore...<br />
<br />
...but that's another post.<br />
<br />
How does this practical theology manifest itself? The vast majority of actions God is described as having taken in someone's life are classified as "rebukes". Such as, "this situation was such a rebuke to me that I didn't have the faith in God I needed", or "God really rebuked me about this sin via this situation". Even blessings are often "rebukes".<br />
<br />
Recently, I had a training session at work that really put me in a foul mood. It was poorly done, the instructor couldn't clarify anything, and it was a large waste of time. It began a tailspin of frustration that threatened to take over my whole day.<br />
<br />
I ran home quickly for lunch afterwards, and began to notice that I was continuously stumbling across moment after moment of beauty. The weather was crisp and the sky azure. A stand of trees flamed purple and orange and red and yellow all together. The radio was playing a particularly beautiful piece of music. I found a pretty rock in my coat pocket left there by one of my children in a random act of love. <br />
<br />
Now, when I was a Fundamentalist, my attitude towards this would have been that God was rebuking me with all these nice things to remind me I had no right to be upset. The result - I would swallow the rage, put on a smile, and self-righteously thank God for yelling at me and putting me in my place.<br />
<br />
But now that I'm learning more of what God is really like, I had a sudden moment of clarity realizing that these beautiful things weren't there to "rebuke" me. They were kindnesses to show me love instead. It was as if God was saying, "I know that was a tough morning. They really need to hire someone who knows how to teach next time, eh? Here's some beautiful things to cheer you up before you start your afternoon of hard work again."<br />
<br />
God continues to show Himself to be much kinder, more sympathetic, and infinitely more loving than I had ever previously been taught. <br />
<br />
Alleluia.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-16619151331215957822013-10-11T21:50:00.000-06:002014-02-15T16:16:16.003-07:00The Maid MarianSo, Mary.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking a lot about her over the last few years.<br />
<br />
No, my eebil habitual-ritual Episcopal church is in no way to blame here. Mary is rarely mentioned, and usually only around Christmas time. But ever since I became a mother myself, she has really become an engaging figure.<br />
<br />
My first child was colicky. COL. ICK. EEEEEE. We didn't sleep for the first year. My second child didn't have colic, but we still didn't sleep for over a year. <br />
<br />
And in that sleep-deprived fog, I wondered - was baby Jesus colicky? Did Mary want to just sob and run away and possibly toss Him out the window at times? There's the Away-In-A-Manger Jesus who didn't cry, but I don't buy it. Here's a being who has lived in paradise, in a state of love His entire existence; who has neither hungered, nor felt pain, nor thirst. And now He's a helpless infant who has a headache and is hungry and has gas and is wet and gets cold and just wants his mommy. (And boob. Yes, if He was anything like my two babies...)<br />
<br />
I think baby Jesus squalled with the deepest enormity of loss possible. <br />
<br />
Poor Mary.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S-mit4qMzQY/UVHM7ub7zSI/AAAAAAAAduA/m7S6CnKlt5U/s400/Marianne+Stokes+-+Angels+Entertaining+the++Holy+Child+1893.jpg" height="323" width="400" /></div>
<br />
<br />
She was probably 12 or 13. And yes, a 12-13 year old then is nothing like a 12-13 year old today, but still. TWELVE YEARS OOOOOOOLD.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CvDCiEFbNy8/TShEAddFZlI/AAAAAAAAgZA/SMEhY8gp_gs/s1600/MARIAN%257E1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CvDCiEFbNy8/TShEAddFZlI/AAAAAAAAgZA/SMEhY8gp_gs/s320/MARIAN%257E1.JPG" height="320" width="253" /></a></div>
<br />
Would you give your really important baby to a 12 year old girl in a third world country to raise?<br />
<br />
Didn't think so.<br />
<br />
I think God thought an awful lot of Mary. She must have been a pretty impressive person.<br />
<br />
So as the interest grew, I started to read up on Mary and found that the Eastern Orthodox really really like her, and they have called her "Theotokos" - the God-Bearer - since at least the 4th century. Now granted, it was more a statement about Jesus' divinity than Mary's role necessarily at the time, but it's a beloved name for her for centuries. For some reason, that name really resonates for me. Plus, I love the Orthodox icon style called "Tender Mercy"; it's so very human compared to the exceptionally white overly-pious Roman Catholic depictions. They obviously love each other dearly. (Except baby Jesus usually looks kinda odd in Orthodox icons. Sorry, Orthodox friends.) <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="File:Vladimirskaya.jpg" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0a/Vladimirskaya.jpg/401px-Vladimirskaya.jpg" height="400" width="265" /></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
And did you know that Christians believed from very early on that Mary was resurrected and taken to heaven 3 days after her death (or maybe even instead of dying)? Even the Reformers largely found no problem with this belief. At first I rolled my eyes. And then I remembered a recent science article that I read that outlined a fascinating discovery -<a href="http://www.livescience.com/20781-pregnancy-fetal-cells.html" target="_blank"> during gestation, cells from a baby migrate across the placenta and take up residence in the mother for the rest of her life</a>. <br />
<br />
Can you imagine? Mary had cells of the Divine Child, the Son of God, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords hanging out in her body. Now, I'm not trying to build theology on a shred of new science, but it's not too hard to imagine those cells wouldn't stay dead any more than the rest of Him did. And why wouldn't God resurrect and bring to heaven the woman whose cooperation with the Divine Plan was so utterly important? I mean seriously, Elijah got to, and he ran from God and kinda had a big self-centered pity party for a while.<br />
<br />
Some other traditional doctrines I have some trouble with. Like the Immaculate Conception. It seems to me to have grown out of a mistaken (IMHO) belief that Jesus couldn't have avoided the stain of sin if He had been gestated inside a sinner. And the perpetual virginity of Mary - I'm not as hung up on sex being inherently evil as a lot of ancient theologians were, so it does nothing to Mary's character in my mind to think she had a normal married life after the birth of Jesus. (In fact, I kinda hope she did. That would really stink to be married and not get to have sex.) (And, in the days before birth control, only have one baby. Babies are awesome, even if they never let you sleep.) And the whole Queen of Heaven thing? Kinda sketchy to me. Sorry, Catholic friends.<br />
<br />
Confession time - I've started <a href="http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/devotionals/rosaries/how-to-pray-the-rosary.cfm" target="_blank">praying the rosary</a> occasionally now too. Don't panic, so did ol' Marty Luther and a lot of the Reformers, though obviously not in its current form. I've modified how I practice it and tried to approach the older form, mostly because I'm pretty uncomfortable asking Mary to pray for me. I mean really, we've never met, and she probably has better things to be doing. I don't use the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatima_Prayers" target="_blank">Fatima prayer</a>, because it's a recent addition that smacks of cloying Fundy-Catholicism to me. (Yes, <a href="http://www.fixthefamily.com/blog/6-reasons-to-not-send-your-daughter-to-college" target="_blank">Catholics indeed have their Fundies</a>.) I'm not a huge fan of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hail_Holy_Queen" target="_blank">Salve Regina</a> prayer either for similar reasons.<br />
<br />
But despite cutting out a lot of it, meditating on the mysteries while I say the first half of the Hail Mary (or "rejoice, Mary" as some translations put it) is a joy, and it brings peace and comfort. So hey, I'm not fighting it.<br />
<br />
No, I don't think anyone other than the Holy Spirit intercedes when I pray. But Mary isn't just the disposable wrapper Christ came in, as I've heard somebody else say recently. Being out of Fundamentalism has opened up the ability to think of a woman as someone special for once, someone to be highly honored and respected. <br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="File:Marianne Stokes Madonna and Child.jpg" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/ab/Marianne_Stokes_Madonna_and_Child.jpg/448px-Marianne_Stokes_Madonna_and_Child.jpg" height="400" width="299" /></div>
<br />
And that is just beautiful.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-78720895480166145862013-09-23T22:09:00.001-06:002013-09-23T22:09:58.316-06:00Attitude CoppingToday included another reminder of how opposite Fundamentalism is to the Gospel of the living God. <br />
<br />
But let's back up, and start with an illustrative story:<br />
<br />
My former pastor from Halfway Fundy Church sings very well. And by that woeful understatement, I mean he has a tenor voice straight from heaven. When I was in college with him, singing was a major part of his life. He was in choirs, sang solos, and even won a major university-wide competition in vocal performance. He loved to sing, and everyone within earshot loved to hear him. His is a true and rare gift.<br />
<br />
Once I started attending his church several years after college, I noticed that he didn't sing much at all. We didn't have a choir and rarely had "special music", but there were occasional special events that involved music and his participation was conspicuously absent. Now, I don't remember if I knew this from a casual conversation or if it was part of a sermon but I discovered that he essentially refuses to sing anymore. Why?<br />
<br />
One major reason is because he's afraid his attitude and/or motives for doing so "aren't right".<br />
<br />
Rather than bless those around him, he buries his gift because he apparently thinks his attitude is too geared towards pride about it. (Please note - I don't tell this story to criticize him, I tell it to show how pervasive and life-changing this philosophy is.)<br />
<br />
As you can see, in Fundamentalism, one's attitude and motives are of paramount importance - but the above illustration is by no means the only facet of the issue. There are a number of manifestations of this core belief. For starters, you can be conveniently accused of not having the right attitude when someone doesn't like what you're doing, especially if they can't really prove you actually did something wrong. The more you protest, the more obvious your "attitude problem" becomes. Or, it can be a method of controlling the tender soul, as no matter how in line your actions are with Fundamentalism's list of rules you're still not good enough. It brings paralyzing self-introspection and an ungracious judgementalism to others as you not only become a policer of deeds but of thoughts. And worst of all: God is "unable to use" someone with a "bad attitude". Something as simple as a misplaced motive can thwart His moving and blessing entirely. Some god, eh?<br />
<br />
I just love how God keeps exposing Fundamentalism's tendrils in my brain with His love and goodness. This last Sunday, I heard a sermon that turned this thinking on its head. Surprisingly, it started out very similarly:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"How often do we have secret ulterior motives even when we're trying to do the right thing?" </blockquote>
I braced a little for the expected moralizing to then, therefore, be sure to examine my motives and make sure they're right - dishonest wretch that I am - because I can't trust my heart, etc. However, there was no condemnation. I was instead surprised by a completely different approach:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"The fact is, we play this game a lot in our own heads even if no one else knows about it. And thank God that God's kingdom doesn't depend on us having the right attitude or the purest of motives 100% of the time - otherwise God would never get anything done through us."</blockquote>
Wait, what? You mean I don't have to triple-scrutinize my motives to make sure they're purer than the wind-driven snow or I miss out on potential blessings? (Wait, is desiring blessing an ulterior motive too? Let me examine myself again...)<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Sometimes all that God needs is for us to just show up, whether we're willing or not, whether our motives are for God's glory and the in-breaking of God's kingdom around us or not, and whether we secretly hope there's something in it for us or not, and the rest will follow.... And despite our ineffectiveness and our own brokenness that causes us to act out of selfish motives, God's grace is able to claim what we do have to give and use it anyway. God is able to redeem it."</blockquote>
The fact is, motives are a complex thing. And the more you think about them, the more complex they become. But doesn't this fit the Biblical pattern better? How many times did God interview someone for their motives before using them? Baalam, anyone?<br />
<br />
So worrying about my motives isn't going to purify them. God will do that, in time. Growing in grace, learning Love and Truth, and making mistakes along the way. It's not my job to do, it's just my job to just show up. And I don't have to be afraid to do something because of the possibility of impure motives.<br />
<br />
No wonder Christ said His yoke is easy and His burden is light.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-22537494709935789742013-08-24T22:15:00.000-06:002013-08-24T22:15:17.459-06:00Equal EqualityYou know, one of the hardest pills for me to swallow when I was in fundamentalism was the whole women's equality-submission trope. I'm by nature a fairly independent woman, and it stung every time I was denigrated or dismissed when I lived in FundyVille. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately, I did end up swallowing some of that bad medicine, and the damage it did is still with me (though it is healing more and more the longer I am out of it). For a while, I even believed that women were unable to be as spiritually discerning as men - though it was really more that I believed that good Christian girls were supposed to believe it. My soul raged and raged against the notion, but I bit back the tears and meekly said, "ok". Surprisingly, one of my Bible Doctrines teachers in Fundy University clearly repudiated the notion my junior year, and made it okay for a good Christian girl to not believe that steaming pile. But the daily practical theology applications still constantly whispered to me that I was less than what I was. <br />
<br />
Then, along came "complementarianism". It's the "kinder and gentler" conservative christian view. It supposedly acknowleges the abuses of men perpetuated on women in the world and in the name of Christianity, and walks a middle ground between that and a "unisex" culture. Whatever that means. Seriously, <a href="http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/god-created-man-male-and-female-what-does-it-mean-to-be-complementarian" target="_blank">go read John Piper's treatise on it</a>. It's very weird.<br />
<br />
In my experience, one of the interesting things about conservative Christian teachings on men vs. women is that it's nearly always accompanied by protestations that these statements don't mean that that men and women are unequal or that men are better than women. Again, the longer I'm out of FundyLand, the more hollow this feels to me. In fact, I see them as signaling direct lies anymore. If your beliefs don't really indicate sexism, then why do they feel as though they do? And why do you insist on telling me so often that they don't?<br />
<br />
Anyway. I set all this up because I recently spent a weekend at various functions associated with my 20th high school class reunion. I went to public high school, and graduated with in a class of 370 or so students. After high school, I was in Fundy University, and then I went through a medical education - and the medical field is still pretty sexist. So really, it's been 20 years since I've been treated like a human in an educational setting.<br /><br />At the reunion, however, I was utterly flabbergasted at how I was treated by the men from my high school graduating class. No one, male or female, made assumptions about my role in the medical field (no, I'm not a nurse). I was treated with respect and dignity by every man I talked to. I helped cook breakfast at one of the events, and I was the *only* woman in the kitchen. Men everywhere were shouldering at least an equal share of caring for the children who came along with them and were respectful and kind to their wives.<br /><br />Let me tell you, I was bust-my-buttons proud of my generation and my graduating class. My eebil godless public school produced a kind, responsible, and fair group of men (and women). It was very validating, because not only does time and distance from FundyLand ease the pain, it also makes me wonder if things actually happened differently from the way they felt. Experiences like this confirm the awfulness of what I had accepted for years. <br /><br />But no more. Complementarians can talk out of both sides of their mouths all they like, but I don't buy it. I've tasted real equality outside their circles, and I will never settle for their cheap imitation again.<br /><br />Oh, and go Tigers. I'm proud to be one of you.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-6659371404366215032013-08-07T21:59:00.002-06:002013-08-07T21:59:34.078-06:00Contemplating MeditationSo I've <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2012/03/first-lent.html" target="_blank">talked about my prayer beads before</a>, and how they have helped me develop a prayer and meditation routine at a level that I have never been able to approach or maintain while in Fundamentalism. As I have continued to examine the concept of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_contemplation" target="_blank">Christian contemplation</a>, I have been surprised by the rich tradition of contemplation/meditation throughout Church history.<br />
<br />
Part of exploring this concept occurred this past Lenten season when I began to participate in a church service called "Taizé" (pronounced Ta-ZAY). <br />
<br />
I had no idea what to expect the first time I went to a Taizé service. In fact, I brought my then 7-month-old son with me - partially because I thought there would be child care available, and secondly because it was right at his bedtime and I assumed he would sleep through it. (Neither of which happened, of course.) <br />
<br />
Anyway. The program I picked up on entering the sanctuary said, "Please enter the worship space in reverent silence. You are invited to use the icons, candles, cross and altar as 'windows' to the Presence of God." In the altar area of the church there were 4 apparently Orthodox-style icons, each surrounded by many small candles. It was very quiet and still.<br />
<br />
Once the service started, we sang simple, repetitive songs <i>a capella</i> whose texts were usually Psalmic in nature and whose tunes evoked monastic chant. The songs alternated with a leader reading a scripture passage, a brief one-paragraph lesson, and a brief prayer. The main portion of the service is a period of silence ended by a bell. That's right - silence. At least 20 minutes of the 30 minute service, to be exact. After the silence: The Lord's Prayer, invitation to pray individually around the altar, another song-prayer-song, and the service is closed.<br />
<br />
Honestly, it's an introvert's paradise. No one has to talk to anybody else, yet we all feel a kinship with each other singing and praying together. It's solitude and community at the same time.<br />
<br />
I was intrigued after the first experience, despite having to deal with a squirmy, occasionally noisy child the whole time. Why the icons? Why the long silence? Where did that complex yet deceptively simple music come from?<br />
<br />
Upon returning home that night, I turned to Wikipedia and read that <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taize" target="_blank">Taizé</a> is a village in France; a Swiss man began a monastery there in the 1940's whose focus was to "<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">live in the spirit of kindness, simplicity and reconciliation</span>".
It was also unusual in that there were both Catholic and
Protestant brothers there. The monastery took care of WW II refugees
until the Nazis kicked them out; after the war they returned and
continued their work. In the 1960's their monastery, because of their
simple message, became a place of pilgrimage for many Christians -
especially youth. The community draws on traditions of
multiple groups of Christians, which explains the mix of icons, candles, and quasi-chant in a small-town American protestant church. I was fascinated.<br />
<br />
The contemplation and meditation time was so rejuvenating that I spent the next month or so trying to find an artist to commission a triptych of Christ's birth, crucifixion, and resurrection for me to use at home for contemplation and meditation with prayer beads. (I finally realized that the kind of quality I wanted was way out of my price range, and bought reprints of famous artwork instead.) And I bought a few candles. And then I bought some incense cones... Before I knew it I had a whole ritual developed at home. <br />
<br />
The next project? A prayer garden - a secluded outdoor space surrounded by favorite plants. While researching that little undertaking, I discovered that there are whole books written on the subject (not to mention the rich history of plants in cloisters and monasteries). Between my interest in medicine and my love of plants, I think I might have made a good nun back in the day - except for the whole getting married thing. But there's always the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Monasticism" target="_blank">New Monasticism</a>... <br />
<br />
I am still astonished that this important portion of historical Christianity is so new to me. And I'm even more astonished at how enriching the practice of contemplation is - this restorative time of reflection has been making an
extraordinarily difficult time in my life much more bearable. How very sad that Fundamentalism doesn't value any of it.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-88853427738362583792013-08-03T22:10:00.002-06:002013-08-03T22:10:35.101-06:00OrdinarinessI've wondered off and on if the Episcopal church I attend is an anomaly. Though it isn't perfect, the reverence for God, the kindness to others and the care for the less fortunate make it such a comforting and Spirit-filled place to be. But then I start doubting that it's the norm (or even common) for Episcopal churches. I suspect I think that because I frequently get horrified diatribes from people who think I go to a spiritually dead, apostate church. It's really exhausting to deal with the assumptions made by people who have never been to a liturgical worship service, don't know what the Book of Common Prayer is, and don't care to think beyond what they've been told about churches other than their own.<br /><br />Well, a few weeks ago, I was out of town on a trip and decided to find an early service with a local Episcopal congregation before my responsibilities began elsewhere. I wasn't that optimistic, honestly, because the early services are usually the more formal Rite I service. I don't mind a Rite I service, but I feel I usually connect better with a Rite II.<br />
<br />The church was small. I got there a little late, and felt a bit awkward at first.<br />
<br />
But then. Oh, then, the Spirit was there in that service. The people were warm, and honest, and down-to-earth; not only is that a bit out of the ordinary for many churches, it was extremely out of the ordinary for this part of the country. God spoke directly to me in the readings and the homily. I realized it was by Divine appointment that I was there that morning - and I don't use that phrase lightly like I used to. I was filled to the brim with grace that morning.<br />
<br />
The reverence for God, the love for other people, the kindness - it was all there. Just like my current church. Now I'm not saying that other churches or denominations aren't/can't be characterized by the same sort of love, but in these two very different churches a thousand miles apart, the same Spirit was there, and it was a holy time. <br /><br />And I'm sad for people who refuse to see it. <br /> <br />
<br />
<br />Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-29598506962564021842013-04-02T06:00:00.000-06:002013-04-02T06:00:07.508-06:00They're Fundy-ing Errybody Over HereSo, that Pope Francis. He seems a decent fellow, eh? <br />
<br />
Well, I like him, anyway. I was especially astonished by his plan to wash the feet of prisoners in an Italian juvenile detention facility for Maundy Thursday (the day we liturgical types celebrate the Last Supper). It was already a big break from the usual Papal tradition of washing the feet of upper-level bishops in St. Peter's Basilica.<br />
<br />
When it actually happened however, <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/pope-washes-womens-feet-break-church-law-002454620.html;_ylt=AwrNUbIMj1dRtA8ALrXQtDMD" target="_blank">he ended up washing the feet of two prisoners who had the audacity to be women</a>.<br />
<br />
But before I get ahead of myself - something I've noticed on all the news articles I've read online about
Pope Francis is that the comments repeatedly contain people stating, essentially,
"I'm not catholic/Christian, but this guy is intriguing/has my
respect/is someone I could follow."<br />
<br />
So a great many
non-catholics (myself included) see his actions and we are impressed.
We think this seems more consistent with what God is concerned about.
We feel more inclined to think kindly of people who
purport to follow God and by extension get a better sense of who God
Himself is. Even many atheists are responding positively to this Pope.<br />
<br />
Who could possibly be unhappy with this?<br />
<br />
The <strike>Fundamentalists</strike> Traditionalists. <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/popes-foot-wash-final-straw-traditionalists-004235548.html" target="_blank">And boy, are they Un. Happy.</a> <br />
<br />
I laughed and laughed and laughed when I read these news stories, because wow, have I been there. I'm also learning quite quickly that there are Fundamentalist-types in every stripe of Christianity and they all use the same tricks. Like this one: <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"By disregarding his own law in this matter, Francis violates, of
course, no divine directive," Peters wrote. "What he does do, I fear, is<i>
set a questionable example.</i>" (italics mine)</blockquote>
<br />
Ha! Questionable example! This guy could be the Dean of Men at Fundy University with that little phrase. I even googled "canon lawyer Edward Peters" to see what he looked like, because reading that made me picture fat wobbly jowls. (He doesn't have them.) I hear that the Pharisees thought that Christ healing on the Sabbath was a pretty <i>questionable example</i> too.<br />
<br />
Even more upset was the Reverend John Zuhlsdorf: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"This is about the ordination of women, not about their feet," wrote the
Rev. John Zuhlsdorf, a traditionalist blogger. Liberals "only care
about the washing of the feet of women, because ultimately they want
women to do the washing."</blockquote>
That's right. You wash a woman's feet and before you know it she'll be wearing the cassock herself. Yay! <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slippery_slope" target="_blank">Slippery slope</a>! Always a favorite.<br />
<br />
Traditionalists are lamenting the loss of the days of the sedan chair, the elaborate - read: expensive - papal garments, and the full use of the Latin rite. They are so unhappy that they are (carefully) criticizing the Pope.
(Because disobeying the Pope is apparently a lesser sin that washing the
feet of a woman*.) Though I guess I can kinda see where they are coming from. I mean really, if a solid gold pectoral cross and being carried around among the masses was good enough for Jesus, it ought to be good enough for Pope Francis. <br />
<br />
Seriously though, traditionalists yet again show who their real god is. It isn't the God of all Creation; it isn't Jesus Christ the Righteous; it isn't the Holy Spirit of Truth. It's a <strike>knee-length skirt</strike> sedan chair and an ermine-trimmed cape; it's <strike>the KJV</strike> a church service held in a dead language.<br />
<br />
As one particularly astute commenter also stated, "Jesus wasn't exactly a traditionalist." Indeed. He rather upset them on a regular basis, I understand. Funny, that.<br /><br />______________________________________________________________________<br />
<br />
<br />
*Which makes me suspicious of how highly women are valued, frankly. Been there, experienced that too.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-57137545469592687932013-03-18T19:31:00.001-06:002013-03-18T19:31:51.323-06:00That One Thing Part TwoI have a secret. <br />
<br />
I haven't told my mom that I use prayer beads.<br />
<br />
I am terrified she'll find out someday
and the disappointed sighs will begin.
There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, none at all, and it still
weighs on me in my relationship with her. I've even opened an online store selling the beads I make and would love to get her input on my
designs, but I'm afraid she'll be just
broken-hearted. So I don't talk about it with her, and I hide my beads when she
comes over.<br />
<br />
But this isn't about me and my beads, this is about my brother.<br />
<br />
"Michael" has always had a very tender heart towards God. He knows his Bible well and tries to live it. He was a youth group leader for some time and graduated from Fundy University as I did. He's six feet tall, muscular, handsome, and has a number of high-level belts in several different martial arts. He's intelligent too - he'll <a href="http://rapgenius.com/Weird-al-yankovic-white-and-nerdy-lyrics#note-796703" target="_blank">ace any trivia quiz you bring on and is fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon</a>.<br />
<br />
And if you haven't guessed by now, he's also gay.<br />
<br />
What was it like being gay in Fundyland? I can't even imagine what having such a deep secret would do to you. Especially in a culture that constantly spews hatred towards people like you. When my husband and I talked to a few close friends in Halfway Fundy Church about him as we struggled to come to terms with our changing beliefs, we were told things like, "He isn't letting God have full control of his life. He isn't allowing God to change him." My husband and I would shake our heads in frustration and look at each other with the same thought - that isn't Michael. He would never fight God like that. That's not the answer. <br />
<br />
He finally came out of the closet a few years ago, and the reactions he's gotten have largely been terrible. Fortunately, my parents didn't turn their backs on him but he's endured all kinds of ridiculous accusations from "friends" since then. He's been told being gay means he's also a pedophile. He's been told it was his mom's fault. Or his dad's fault. He's been told he was recruited into it as a young child. He's been told he's going to get HIV and die. And mostly, he's been told that he chose to be gay. Here's part of what he wrote when I asked him to contribute to this conversation:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2370" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Allow me to clarify this a little bit.
The belief I am listing here is not simply, “He chose to be in a
relationship with him”, but “He chose to be attracted to other
men.” Big difference. I would agree to the first statement, but not
the second. This belief feeds the direct anger fundamentalists have
at gay people. Why be gracious and caring to someone who is
purposefully choosing to be a godless sexual deviant? I believe that
this is one of the most damaging beliefs about homosexuality in the
fundamentalist's misinformation.</div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2371" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2372" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I already mentioned that if you believe
someone willfully chooses to be gay, you feel no need to show them
mercy. This also seems to be near the root of why when gay person
comes out, the fundies near them become upset and start saying things
that include the words, “disappointed” and “betrayal”. They
throw stone after stone, working themselves into a frenzy over the
audacity for this person to chose to be gay. Hopefully, these stones
that are worked up in the frenzy are only verbal. I myself have been
threatened by folks that I knew for years in the fundamental circle
when I came out.</div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2373" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2374" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My experience is that I tried
desperately to be “normal” for nearly half my life. If there was
ever an upbringing that you didn't want to be gay in, I had it. I'm
not saying mine was the worst ever, because I know that's not true.
It was not a good situation by any means, but it was not the worst
situation. I know guys that lost their family when they came out.
They were thrown from the house, told never to return and if they
were seen again, they'd better start running. I didn't have that
happen, thank God.</div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2375" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2401" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
However, growing up I did have to deal
with the fact that I knew I was attracted to men and not to women. I
didn't ask for this, but with the preaching and the pressure, I
assumed I somehow did. I tried to give everything in my life to God,
pray to be cured from my sickness, drink deeply from the scripture
and set my mind on those things. If only I could be show enough
devotion to God, I would be cured. A sick sense of bargaining with God
was going on. I was trying to purchase healing through dedication
that began to feel more and more hollow as I felt more and more
unable to please my Heavenly Father. 'I must repulse Him', I thought.
'God can't love me like this.'</div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2402" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2403" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I wondered what people would do or
think if I told them about my struggle. I thought of the overnight
activities with the church and how they segregated the men and the
women. What would they do with me? Would they segregate me off to my
own area? People at my age were now pairing off and getting married.
That's not an option for me, I won't deceive some poor girl. My
future began to look awful lonely. I pulled away from people, afraid
of the the impending stigmatization and ostracism should I come out.
My depression got worse and friends asked me what was wrong but I
didn't have the courage to tell them the truth.</div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2404" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2405" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Do you see why I think this belief is
one of the most dangerous ones held by Fundamental Christianity about
homosexuality? This belief not only justifies people's hate for gays,
but it also sinks into the minds of the young gay or lesbian mind
that is raised in the midst of Fundamentalism. You are told that you
have a choice, and when you can't control that “choice”, you
condemn yourself for failing and heap the words you've heard all your
life upon yourself.</div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2406" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2407" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Unnatural. Disgusting. Anathema.
Faggot. Abomination.</div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2408" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363632691070_2409" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
At the close of this, I ask one thing.
Please be kind to the gays you know. Odds are you cannot hate them as
much as they hated themselves.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
Now that he has accepted his homosexuality, he's a different person. Or, more appropriately, he's his old self again. The suicidality and anger and depression have evaporated. His kindness and love are
growing again.<br />
<br />
Those are fruit of the Spirit. <br />
<br />
I don't completely understand it. But I understand enough to know that he isn't wrong.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-90706445517487210442013-03-12T22:20:00.001-06:002013-03-12T22:21:08.599-06:00That One ThingThere's one topic on which I have made a drastic change in thought that I have studiously avoided blogging about to this point.<br />
<br />
One of the reasons I have avoided it is because it shouldn't be the huge explosive issue that it is. It just shouldn't. Christians have WAY more important things to be doing. Like loving our neighbors, protecting the vulnerable, and feeding the hungry. This world is full of hurt, and we are called to do God's work in alleviating that hurt, not piling it on further. It's wearying to give this topic even more attention because it has gotten entirely too much already.<br />
<br />
But the damage Christians are causing - well, I guess that's ultimately what a blog about coming out of Fundamentalism is really about. Damage. Damage and hate and unkindness and abuse and manipulation. So I can't continue to pretend this isn't an issue forever.<br />
<br />
I recently read a news story with the exceptionally silly title of "<a href="http://news.yahoo.com/tim-tebow-betrays-christian-191617606.html;_ylt=AwrNUbHvPyhRpw4AWybQtDMD" target="_blank">Tim Tebow Betrays The Christian Right</a>". Silly, because Mr. Tebow was not elected to any position of authority in any religious organization. He is not under any person's or organization's authority either. He is a lone individual - admittedly with a lot of star power - who is just trying to do what he feels deeply is right. He also hasn't been ugly about it as far as I know. (For that, I admire him. Don't always agree with him, but I have always wished him the best.) And "betrays" is an emotionally charged word that feels way out of line here for a guy who doesn't officially represent anyone.<br />
<br />
But perhaps that was the writer's point. Showing the impropriety of a group of people who essentially made someone their de facto spokesman and then turned on him when he said something they didn't like. <br />
<br />
And what dreadful thing did Mr. Tebow do? He had the audacity to cancel a speaking engagement at a church where the Pastor was known for making strong statements about homosexuality, Muslims, and Mormons, among other things. <br />
<br />
Strong is a little too, well, weak of a term. If, for example, an imam said similar things about Christianity that he has said about Islam - no matter now "nice" of a guy he was - many American Christians would be upset and his words would be seen for the harsh rhetoric they are. His words violate the Golden Rule and fly directly in the face of I Timothy 2:23-24*. The Pastor's quote in that news article even seems to put soteriology (the doctrine of salvation) on par with an anti-gay stance. That's a major red flag in my book - because if it wasn't in the Nicene Creed it isn't soteriology-level. No one should dare put it there.<br />
<br />
Well, Mr. Tebow decided maybe he didn't want to be associated with that kind of message. <br />
<br />
That's a gutsy move. Really gutsy for someone who has that particular unasked-for constituency. <br />
<br />
Why didn't he want to be associated with that message? I'm assuming because he understands that Christians are called to love. Called to heal the wounded and support the weak and stand up for the vulnerable. We shouldn't be spending time instead wounding people and trampling them down. <br />
<br />
And we certainly shouldn't be spending time angry with or separating from someone who reminds us of that. Just reveals how much politics and how little Christ is involved in the Religious Right.<br />
<br />
Did you notice I still didn't get to my topic? Yeah, this is gonna have to have a part two. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
__________________________________________________________________ </div>
<br />
<br />
*"Again I say, don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights.
A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people." (New Living Translation)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-28349481152491771112013-03-03T22:16:00.001-07:002013-03-03T22:16:35.415-07:00Power PlaySo, have you seen the kerfluffle about the<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/14/us/philadelphia-archdiocese-boys-only-football" target="_blank"> 11-year-old girl who's been playing football</a> since she was 5? She goes to a Catholic school, and the Archdiocese of Philadelphia suddenly realized she was playing and decided she shouldn't anymore because they "don't want her to get hurt". Of course. They're only trying to help.<br />
<br />I like this kid and her disingenuous replies. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="cnn_storypgraphtxt cnn_storypgraph13">
"I was mad," Caroline
said after learning she wasn't allowed to play, "just really mad that we
don't get the same opportunity as boys just because we're not a boy.</div>
"Not only am I not going
to be able to play, but girls all over aren't going to be able to sign
up," she said. "And I don't think that's fair."</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
When asked whether she's gotten hurt, the crowd erupted when she quipped
with a made-for-TV smile, "I've never really gotten hurt, but I have
hurt people." </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
She's not being disrespectful when she says the archbishop's claim that he's just trying to protect her doesn't ring true. "I was just really surprised that we're not allowed to play because
we're girls," Caroline said. "They say it's a safety issue, but I don't
get that because it's not just a safety issue for us; it's a safety
issue for anybody that goes on to the field."</blockquote>
Of course she doesn't understand. This is neither about logic nor fairness. It's about control. For as much as Fundamentalists rail about the evils of Catholicism, they share the exact same entrenched misogyny and power issues*.<br />
<br />
I feel for her. I said similar disingenuous things when I was in Fundamentalism because I didn't understand it was about power and not letting (especially) women have too much. The following quote from the Archbishop gave me PTSD flashbacks:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"I admire your love of the game, Caroline, and I'm impressed by your
zeal in pursuing the opportunity to play it," he wrote. "At the same
time, it's important to understand that pressure is not a good way of
showing respect for dedicated people who are simply fulfilling their
duty to protect young people in sports."</blockquote>
In other words, "Sit down, shut up, and you'll be sorry you talked." Been there, heard that.<br />
<br />
It gets better. <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/christinasettimi/2013/02/21/philadelphia-church-panel-votes-to-uphold-ban-on-female-football-player-fearing-inappropriate-touching/" target="_blank">In a followup article in Forbes Magazine</a>, one of the main reasons for their decision was made clear: they are concerned about "inappropriate touching" (cue the late-night TV jokes) between male and female students. <br /><br /> Despite the diocese announcing that it would be a panel consisting of "priests, parents, coaches, and medical experts would be formed to review their football policy", there was "no one qualified to talk" about law or human physiology at the panel convened to discuss the case. The only dialogue involved "personal opinion, tradition and Vatican law". Ignore the law, ignore anyone with actual experience in the question at hand, and just talk about tradition and personal opinion. <br /><br /> How familiar does that sound? <a href="http://www.bju.edu/seminaryconference2012/" target="_blank">Fundamentalist University just did the same thing last November</a>. Never mind the number of abuse victims they have themselves miserably failed - several of whom I know personally - now they're going to tell you how to do it right, from the mouths of those who personally did the failing.<br />
<br />
No clothes. No clothes at all, on either emperor. <br />
<br />________________________________________________________________<br />
*I'm talking the Catholic heirarchy here, not the average individual parishioner or church. Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-81235649707426787552013-02-22T20:18:00.002-07:002013-02-22T20:20:59.450-07:00AngerWhen you come out of a spiritually abusive environment - and talk about it - those still in it may sometimes label you as "angry". To me it seems to be a way of dismissing what you have to say - Fundamentalists are good at ignoring criticism if the criticizer is "angry" or "bitter" or "has a bad attitude". No matter how appropriate the criticism.<br />
<br />
I remember several times in Fundyland being taught that anger is always a sin. Even at Halfway Fundy Church, we had a Sunday School group where the leader talked about how anger was never right. I didn't have my head screwed on very straight at the time, but even then I disagreed with him and gave opposing examples like being angry about someone else being mistreated and Christ's anger at the moneychangers in the Temple. Of course, the answer was that Christ could be angry without sin - but because we aren't perfect like him, it's unwise for us to be angry.<br />
<br />
The next time someone has the audacity to say that bit of drivel to me, I think I'm going to answer that I can't love perfectly either - does that mean that it's unwise for me to love?<br />
<br />
<br />
While perusing the blog "<a href="http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Commandments of Men</a>" (written by a man who is standing up and talking about the abhorrences that are the Patriarchy, QuiverFull, and Courtship movements), I ran across this comment about anger: <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"I believe that I read once or twice about this guy named Saul Paulus.
There were these people in a town called Galatia, and they mixed the
Bible and the main and plain teachings of the Christian faith with
legalistic requirements and practices. Hmm. Sounds awfully similar to
what the QF/P movement and many fundamentalists have done....<br />
<br />
And
all of that made that Saul Paulus -- that guy now called the Apostle
Paul -- pretty angry. In fact, he got so angry at the people who taught
the legalism at the Church at Galatia that they would be better served
to castrate themselves. I think that qualifies Paul as pretty angry,
not only over the fact that they mixed extra rubbish in with good
doctrine but also because they used these ideas to manipulate people
with them, whether it was intentional or not.<br />
<br />
And I distinctly recall that Paul guy saying that we could be angry, so long as we did not sin.<br />
<br />
Paul
named names and was tough with religious abusers and legalists. He was
often angry about it. He also talked about bearing the burdens of
others to fulfill the Law of Christ and he talked about comforting
others with the comfort received. Part of the healing process is a safe
place to express anger and injustice and to seek justice.<br />
<br />
The anger can be a very healthy component of healing. You cannot heal from wounds that you are too afraid to cleanse."</blockquote>
<br />
I was amazed when I read it - especially that last sentence. For much of my time in Fundyland, I would come across people who were clearly angry (or be angry myself), and we could never deal with it adequately. Why? Because it was unacceptable to be angry. All you could do was bury it deep inside and deny that it existed.<br />
<br />
<br />
This commenter, Cynthia Mullen Kunsman, <a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/p/mission-statement-and-bio.html" target="_blank">has her own blog</a> about spiritual abuse, and she has centralized a <a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2012/11/angry.html" target="_blank">list of posts about anger</a>. I haven't read them all yet, but what I have so far has been excellent.<br />
<br />
<br />
Yep. I'm angry sometimes. Angry at myself for falling for this nonsense, submitting to evil. Angry at those in a position of power who used it to control other people, whether consciously or not. Angry that spiritual abuse is so prevalent and in turn enables physical, emotional, and sexual abusers. That makes me angry. <br />
<br />
Anger makes me do something about it. <br />
<br />
I see that as a good thing, frankly.<br />
<br />Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-42329693205748730302013-02-18T15:12:00.000-07:002013-02-18T18:04:38.878-07:00DecalogueSo I'm praying through Luther's Small Catechism on Lutheran prayer beads for Lent, <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2013/02/lent-2013.html" target="_blank">as mentioned previously.</a> <br />
<br />
One of the parts that was particularly eye-opening was the reiteration of the 10 Commandments*. Now, I know the 10 Commandments, but I had always heard them in the King's English. King James, of course. If you're uber-crazy Fundamentalist, you believe a mind-bending bunch of illogic that ultimately results in worshiping a translation of the Bible rather than God. If you're a not-so-crazy-Fundy you merely sniff that the King James Version is the best or the most accurate translation. ("Fundamentalists" who lean towards NASB, ESV, or especially the NIV don't usually stay long in Fundyland.)<br />
<br />
I think that some of it is attributable to the knee-jerk Fundamentalist suspicion of anything "new". Some of it is because certain Fundy hangups depend upon or at least are reinforced by the KJV's phrasing - the connotation leads us to think something the denotation doesn't. And honestly, I think some of it is just trying to keep what the Bible really says a little obscure - because if you could read it clearly, you would see the guy behind the curtain. And we can't have that.<br />
<br />
But back to the 10 Commandments. I stopped short when I first read, "You must not abuse or misuse God's name." <br />
<br />
Eh?<br />
<br />
My entire life, I had heard this as "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain." The usual exegesis was "this is why Good Christians<b>®</b> don't say "Oh my God"** or use the name of Jesus as a curse. But not abuse or misuse God's name... that's very different. My instant connotation of this phrase was, "Don't tell people God says something he doesn't. Don't abuse people and beat them down with God's Word."<br />
<br />
Now right there is Fundamentalism and conservative-to-mainstream Evangelicalism in a short phrase, isn't it.<br />
<br />
I recently had the audacity to bring up a topic with someone on which I stand fairly
widdershins to "Christianity" and have been getting
bludgeoned with Bible verses since. (Which always cracks me up -
Fundy University degree here. Pretty familiar with that Bible
there. Thanks though.) <br />
<br />
But on a national rather than personal level: if you asked the majority of conservative American Christians I'd wager you'd get an earful about a number of things <strike>they</strike> God apparently has a pretty strong opinion about. You could make a BINGO card and win every time if your squares included things like "Obama = Antichrist", "Abortion", "2nd Amendment", "Teh Gayz", "Prayer in Schools", and "Muslims".<br />
<br />
If your card instead said, "Justice for the Powerless", "Child Abuse", "Domestic Violence", "Rape", "Discrimination", "Feeding the Hungry", "Kindness", and "Love"?*** Well good luck with that one, friend.<br />
<br />
I've blathered on long enough, especially when Lewis Wells over at his blog "Commandments of Men" discussed this political prostitution already. Better (and in stronger terms) than I could've. <a href="http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/2013/01/to-my-politically-charged-readers.html" target="_blank">Go read it.</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
_____________________________________________________________________</div>
<br />
*Let's also ignore for now that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/10_Commandments" target="_blank">Luther counted the 10 commandments differently</a> from the rest of Protestant-ville. It's not germane, even if it is interesting.<br />
<br />
**Even though "god" isn't God's name. It's like saying my name is "Person". Or "Woman". Oh, literalists. You're so funny.<br />
<br />
***Not that these things can't be use to beat people over the head with either. Recently been beat over the head myself by someone at work who treated me in the most disrespectful manner I've experienced in a long time and ended by telling me I just needed to have love. It's like getting spanked by a hippie. Seriously. Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-84913492531934397252013-02-13T14:16:00.004-07:002013-02-16T22:10:34.606-07:00Lent 2013Well, it's <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2012/03/first-lent.html" target="_blank">that time of year again</a>
- my second time celebrating Lent. I continue to find deeper layers of
meaning in the rhythms of the Church year - rhythms that the vast
majority of Christians for the vast majority of Church history have
followed. And it still boggles my mind that events like Lent used to be
what not-truly-Christian "Christians" did. <br />
<br />
I'm still using my
prayer beads - in fact, have lately branched out into other types of
prayer beads. (As usual, various Christian sects are good at coming up
with their own version of something.) Since last year, I've learned
that there are Anglican prayer beads, Lutheran prayer beads, Orthodox
prayer beads, and of course Catholic prayer beads (the rosary). I have even started a ridiculous project organizing a Book of Common Prayer-inspired collection to
use with Anglican prayer beads. When I have enough time to string together a coherent sentence at a higher level than blog-level, that is. (So when my kids move out?)<br />
<br />
Anyway.<br />
<br />
Lutheran prayer beads were apparently developed for use primarily during Lent, so I'm finding them a good addition for this year. There aren't extensive resources out there about them, but I did find a good illustration of <a href="http://www.whitestreetbeadcompany.com/images/prayingSmallCatechismBooklet.pdf" target="_blank">praying through Luther's Small Catechism</a> with it that I've started using.<br />
<br />
I remember talking with a
friend when I was in Fundyland about someone in our circles who was related to
<a href="http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/" target="_blank">Garrison Keillor</a>. Of course, we also discussed how she was a
real Christian and so sad that he was not, being a Lutheran and all... Clearly I had no exposure to the Small Catechism then, because it's good stuff. Better, clearer, orthodox-er theology than just about anything I was exposed to in Fundamentalism - despite hours upon hours of "preaching", camps, and completing a degree at Fundamentalist University. Clear
salvation by grace through faith. Absolutely nothing in it that a Fundy
would object to - as long as he/she didn't know it was from a Lutheran source, of course. <br />
<br />
Both in the Small Catechism and the Ash
Wednesday service today I was
impressed at how penitence is balanced with God's love and desire to
forgive. Penitence is a good thing, a healthy thing - but its only remedy is God's love. In Fundamentalism, sinfulness was emphasized
excessively, and the solution to the sinfulness was to make yourself
better, try harder, just stop being such a wicked sinner.<br />
<br />
It's so different now on the outside. Outside of Fundamentalism, penitence has its place - and its
place is wrapped in the love of God. "Trusting in the mercy of God, assured of the promises already made on your behalf, know that God forgives you."<br />
<br />
A truly happy Lent to you, full of the loving-kindness of God.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-19381556186271769882013-02-11T20:31:00.001-07:002014-02-15T16:42:15.536-07:00No SolicitingI was visited by some door-knocking evangelists recently, and was again reminded of what an offensive way to <strike>annoy people</strike> "spread the Gospel" it is. Had toys scattered all over the floor, both children demanding attention - even my mom was there - and these two elderly gentlemen with slightly crazy twitches in their eyes knock on my door.<br />
<br />
<br />
They were probably Seventh-Day Adventists, or possibly even Mormons. As they could see that they were quickly losing me with their initial pleasantries, one tried to launch into the spiel and asked me if I agreed that "we live in times that are getting worse and worse", or some such phrase. I frowned, countered with "God is in control", and slowly shut the door after saying "No thank you."<br />
<br />
However, this isn't a rant about the Fundy propensity for ineffective outdated methods of evangelism.<br />
<br />
I've actually been stuck in a moment of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27esprit_de_l%27escalier" target="_blank"><i>l'esprit de l'escalier</i></a> since then, wishing I could have those moments back - because I remember being a Fundy with the peculiar vision of modern times as the epitome of evil. Never mind that we live better, more secure lives now than in the entire history of the world. Modern medicine, sanitation, and education have made life exceptionally good compared to much of the past.<br />
<br />
I'm ecstatic I live in today's world, especially as a woman. Both I and my first child probably would have died in childbirth. Actually, I would have died even before that from hemorrhage due to a miscarriage - not to mention whether I would have even made it past childhood. In the majority of earth's history as a woman I would have been treated as property at best and lived a difficult and short life.<br />
<br />
So what I wish I had replied was, "No, I think we are living in amazing times. What, you think it was better when women were denied education and basic human rights?" The apoplexy would have been interesting.<br />
<br />
Fundamentalists, as part of their <i>raison d'</i><i><i>ê</i>tre</i>, <b>have</b> to believe that the world around them is exceptionally evil and they alone are the guardians of a pure faith. If much of anything out there is good, there's nothing left to separate from and be afraid of.<br />
<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. There is a great deal of evil in this world. It's not, however, rock music, movies, or clothing styles.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-49020720417377299942012-10-24T21:24:00.002-06:002012-10-24T22:11:31.270-06:00Blindness<div style="text-align: left;">
I ran across this blog post today:<b><a href="http://pastorfuller.blogspot.com/2012/10/fundamentalists-and-m-factor.html" target="_blank"> Fundamentalists and the M-Factor</a></b></div>
<br />
By the end of it, I was shaking my head in frustration. While he does get it that Fundamentalism is bleeding young people and the attitudes of the old guard are a big reason, he still manages to miss the point completely.<br />
<br />
In my experience, most young people aren't leaving Fundamentalism because they want to wear their hair long or use a drum onstage and would be happy to stay if the old guard would just let them.<br />
<br />
No, the Millenials are much deeper than many give them credit for. Among other things:<br />
<br />
...they're leaving because they've realized the futility and even <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2011/05/hamartiology.html" target="_blank">heterodoxy of rule-based Christianity</a>.<br />
<br />
...they're leaving because leadership is more interested in <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2011/06/denial-aint-just-river-in-egypt-part-1.html" target="_blank">control than service</a> and in <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2011/06/good-vision.html" target="_blank">CYA than justice</a>.<br />
<br />
...they're leaving because Fundamentalism consistently <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2011/07/least-of-these.html" target="_blank">fails to follow Biblical commands about the poor</a>.<br />
<br />
...half of them are leaving because they're tired of being<a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2011/10/testimony-of-women.html" target="_blank"> treated like second-class citizens</a>.<br />
<br />
No, they are running away without looking back because they have <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2011/11/thanksgiving-belated.html" target="_blank">realized the Emperor has no clothes</a>. And until the Emperor can see that, he's never getting them back - no matter how many standards he begrudgingly caves on.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-65512565303805659722012-10-12T22:05:00.000-06:002012-10-12T22:07:14.871-06:00BreakingI greatly hesitate to post this - though admittedly mostly because some people possibly involved know who I am and read this blog. However, this blog is about the lessons I've learned on leaving Fundamentalism, and this was a big lesson, so here goes.<br />
<br />
I've already mentioned that we are currently attending an Episcopal church, which is a pretty far cry from any Independent Fundamental Baptist church. The church we attended before completely breaking with Fundamentalism was a halfway-house for us - still quite conservative but many Fundy hangups were absent or at least less emphasized. (Ironically enough, the teaching at this church woke me to a great deal of fundamentalist heterodoxy and peculiarities of the services there made me more comfortable with liturgical worship.)<br />
<br />
Shortly after starting to attend Halfway Fundy Church, the pastor preached a message on grace that was freeing. I especially remember him saying, "Grace is messy." The point was that if you see another Christian doing something you may not agree with necessarily that isn't in a clear-cut area, don't judge. Dialogue with that person. Find out how what that person is doing brings them closer to God, and understand that it is God who leads. It was a refreshing change from the usual sermons on keeping your testimony spotless and your mint tithed.<br />
<br />
This church also put a heavy emphasis on being involved in a local Body - not in a controlling manner such as I have seen in the past, but with the emphasis that we are so desperately interdependent on one another that we need to be attached to a local church. When people left the church they were encouraged to find another one as soon as possible so they could be "released from the care" of Halfway Fundy Church in a members' meeting. In my experience it had always been done graciously and possibly even with a sense of relief that the person had found another church to plug into.<br />
<br />
So, coming from a church that emphasized grace, dialogue, and interdependence I expected at worst intense discussion over our choice to join an Episcopal church, but by no means condemnation.<br />
<br />
Sometimes my naivete astounds even me.<br />
<br />
After we moved we kept in contact with our "shepherding group" - a smaller church group that met together in place of a Wednesday night service. We shared with them some of our struggle and also shared with them that we were thinking about joining this Episcopal church. The conversation was supportive and with implied trust that we were doing our best to follow the Spirit.<br />
<br />
We then emailed the pastor to see what needed to be done to be released from Halfway Fundy Church's care. The initial emails were light, but just before the members' meeting they suddenly began to be a lot heavier and filled with dire warnings about the Episcopal church's stance on things such as Christology, abortion, homosexuality, and women.<br />
<br />
I wasn't there. I cannot relay exactly what happened. But the pastor advised us that at the members meeting, "no one was comfortable" with our choice, and several even voted not to release us. The eventual consensus was that they couldn't<b> not</b> release us, but the release came with a warning essentially that we were doing a very dangerous and probably wrong thing. With all that consternation coupled with an emphasis on the Body's interdependence, how many people do you think discussed this with us?<br />
<br />
None.<br />
<br />
No one, either before or after that meeting, has had *any* contact with us on this subject. Only those in our shepherding group even knew anything about it ahead of time. (I have no idea if anyone from that group was at the meeting.) One couple questioned us about it a few months later but that was due to a social networking status, not the member's meeting. The conversation was warm and edifying on their part (and hopefully on mine as well). I still think of them with particular fondness for their kindness.<br />
<br />
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not upset that nobody kept tabs on us. I'm an introvert myself, I understand how difficult it is to reach out. Life is busy, and sometimes it seems like someone just left when it has really been months. Had we needed, we could have reached back ourselves.<br />
<br />
But what I can't get over is that this matter of <b>conscience</b> - not sin - resulted in such a kerfluffle with absolutely no one talking to us directly about it. If this were such a terrible choice and people were so concerned, why was there no follow up? Honestly, my theory is that it <i>wasn't</i> a terrible choice, so the Spirit of God just didn't prompt anyone to seek us out.<br />
<br />
We immediately wrote back to the church leadership expressing our hurt and dismay at how the situation was handled. We felt accused of having no spiritual discernment, of not knowing anything about the Bible, and felt summarily dismissed. Nearly a year later, we have had no reply of any substance.<br />
<br />
So grace is messy - except when what the other person does is too far out of your comfort zone.<br />
<br />
When you realize that the best part of Fundamentalism is still Fundamentalism - well, it's a heartbreaking lesson.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-47247381997882954552012-08-20T13:58:00.002-06:002012-08-20T13:58:59.593-06:00Parenting as LifeI'm currently reading a book on parenting called "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman, Ph.D., in which I found some very interesting parallels to fundamentalism. One of the four parenting styles Dr. Gottman discovered in his research he calls the "Disapproving Parent". The following description and effects are taken (with slight editing) from pages 50 and 51 of the book:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
THE DISAPPROVING PARENT
<br />
<ul>
<li>judges and criticizes the child's emotional expression</li>
<li>is overaware of the need to set limits on their children</li>
<li>emphasizes conformity to good standards or behavior</li>
<li>reprimands, disciplines, or punishes the child for emotional expression, whether the child is misbehaving or not</li>
<li>believes expression of negative emotions should be time-limited</li>
<li>believes negative emotions need to be controlled</li>
<li>believes negative emotions reflect bad character traits</li>
<li>believes the child uses negative emotions to manipulate; this belief results in power struggles</li>
<li>believes emotions make people weak; children must be emotionally tough for survival</li>
<li>believes negative emotions are unproductive, a waste of time</li>
<li>is concerned with the child's obedience to authority</li>
</ul>
<b>Effects of this style on children:</b> They learn that their feelings are wrong, inappropriate, not valid. They may learn that there is something inherently wrong with them because of the way they feel. They may have difficulty regulating their own emotions. </blockquote>
<br />
You want to understand the problems of Fundamentalism in a nutshell? Here it is, right here. An entire subculture where feelings and negative emotions are
"ungodly"; where "conformity to standards", obedience, and excessive criticism are strongly encouraged.<br />
<br />
In my opinion, this philosophy engenders much of the rampant emotional, spiritual, physical and sexual abuse in Fundamentalism. Abusers take the role of the judgmental enforcer; abusees are unable to listen to trust their own feelings - feelings like fear or anger that could help them leave. This is also why confronting an institution or a person in authority results in explosive anger or completely shutting down discourse - the authority cannot regulate their own emotions because they are not allowed to have emotions either. <br />
<br />
It still never ceases to amaze me how many times I come across something that so clearly describes Fundamentalism that wasn't written about Fundamentalism. There were times I experienced such flashbulb moments before I left, but buried it under the heading of "surely it must mean something else". Once I learned to trust my own inner voice and stop making excuses for Fundamentalism's bad behavior, it became much clearer and leaving became possible. Just like any abusive situation.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-90150766300476495942012-06-18T00:02:00.000-06:002012-06-18T00:03:09.017-06:00The Least of TheseIn my research about infant baptism, I ran across some interesting information that is diametrically opposed to most of what I heard in Fundamentalism about children.<br />
<br />
In Fundamentalism, children are viewed as especially active sinners, even as newborns. Everything they do is sin, or to rebel, or to manipulate you into getting what they want.<br />
<br />
Now I'm not saying that kids never do that. They're human. But having a child of my own has woken me up to the fact that children can be the most beautiful and loving humans I've ever run across. And wow am I thankful that I didn't have a child until I was on my way out of Fundamentalism, because a lot of what is in Fundyland can really really screw up a kid.<br />
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In "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Loves-Little-Children-Baptize/dp/0965398196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339997910&sr=8-1&keywords=why+we+baptize+children" target="_blank">Jesus Loves The Little Children: Why We Baptize Children</a>", Rev. Daniel Hyde makes a stunning statement after a quote from one of the church fathers. On page 66, he states "What these words show is the understanding in the early church that the children of Christians were viewed as Christian children, and not little unbelievers outside the covenant people." (This statement may be more difficult for some to swallow without reading the foundation he laid in the previous 65 pages to get to that point, but I can't retype those 65 pages here.)<br />
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Even in my reasonably decent last-church-before-breaking-with-Fundyland, a big deal was made of how we should be trying to reach our own children for Christ. And there were a *lot* of children in that church too. On the one hand I see where they were coming from; on the other, it never really did sit quite right with me. <br />
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So when I read Rev. Hyde's statement, the light came on. These kids weren't on the outside, they were on the inside. Yes, I still believe everyone needs to come to a personal conscious relationship with God. But there are some pretty clear Scriptures and church history examples that indicate that children of believers are specially favored. And Scripture is very clear that we were saved before the foundation of the world, not once we walked the aisle. <a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2012/aprilweb-only/new-conversion.html" target="_blank">This article</a> helps explain how American Christianity in particular got off-track on this concept.<br />
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I've heard some people say that this belief that children are especially sinful is one of the reasons child abuse is so rampant in Fundamentalism. If you believe your child is initially destined for hell and your actions have a very large bearing on whether that stays that way, then you'll stop at nothing to correct this child. There's no room for grace.<br />
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So instead of holding your baby when she cries, you make her learn that
she can't get what she wants all the time - but in reality she learns she
can't trust and that her needs aren't being met. Babies can't
manipulate. Their wants are their needs. My son is 2 and I honestly think he's just
barely learning to express wants that aren't really needs. I
made a special point of trying to meet his needs as best I could when he
was younger, and I like to think that has helped him stay the sweet trusting child that he is - and often when I tell him no now, he's
fairly likely to be ok with it. And if he's not, I don't take it as a personal challenge to my authority, it's just a teaching moment. Sometimes, for both of us.<br /><br />I wonder sometimes why Fundamentalists don't realize that parents are sinners too. If children were taught to think of their parents the way their parents are taught to think of children - sinners who need constant punishment - how would that relationship function?<br />
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It wouldn't. And I'm learning it doesn't the first way, either.<br />
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If this child is also a precious child of God, a fellow member of the covenant, that changes everything. My attitude towards my son is not one of continual opposition, but love and nurture. It's so much better than I was ever led to believe parenting could be.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-13038778045498136542012-05-26T22:37:00.000-06:002012-05-26T22:37:48.918-06:00Peds and Creeds Part 4I hope this is the last installment in this series. I expected it to be the most painful one, because I had originally intended to go through the Biblical examples of baptism and just what Scripture says it does, as well as early church father statements and then make a conclusion based on that.<br />
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Very quickly, however, I realized that is *way* out of my league. I'm not a theologian or an Hebrew/Greek scholar. (Yet.) <br />
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I just finished <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Loves-Little-Children-Baptize/dp/0965398196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338068482&sr=8-1" target="_blank">this
book</a>. It started off mediocre, but got
better by the end. A lot of it was framed with Reformed Covenant
theology and the Heidelberg Catechism; to be expected given it's from
Westminster Press, but I was hoping to get a relatively unbiased view.
It did go through the majority of what I had intended this post to be -
and reaffirmed that it was out of my league. <br />
<br />
I
also read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Introducing-Early-Christianity-Topical-Practices/dp/0830839429/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338093122&sr=8-1" target="_blank">a book on early church history</a>, and that was actually
even more helpful, despite its coverage of many topics other than
baptism. It really opened my eyes as to how much theology was
unspecified very early on, and how some pretty smart Spirit-led people tried to hash things out. And maybe got some things wrong along the way and
got corrected later. (For example, Augustine had some really nasty things to say about women.) As someone who comes from a background of
perfectionism, to be confronted with the fact that a lot of scripture
isn't clear, uses metaphorical language, and doesn't lay out all the
rules as neatly as my rational culture demands is a lot disconcerting.<br />
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Suffice to say that there are several episodes in Acts of entire households being baptized when the head of the household converts. Were there babies involved? Highly likely. It doesn't say there were, but there's no reason to think there weren't - birth control didn't exist then. Babies happened all the time. Even more interesting - adult servants who were part of the household and maybe didn't really have a choice got baptized. I think that's even more striking than the possibility of infant baptism. Nobody says at the time or later that baptizing either the children or the possibly non-compliant servants was a bad idea or shouldn't be done.<br />
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In Colossians, baptism in the New Covenant seems to be presented as the replacement for circumcision from the Old, and the Reformed crowd especially pushes that. Comparing baptism to circumcision makes a lot of sense about what it
means, what it does, and whether one should do it.<br />
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And then there's the confusing passages on baptism - the ones I'm allowing myself to just read for their face value instead of mentally rewriting what they say. Like the end of I Peter 3 - it clearly says "baptism saves you [...] through the resurrection of Jesus Christ." And Mark 16 says, "He who has believed and has been baptized shall be saved; but he who
has disbelieved shall be condemned." Peter in Acts 2 says, "Repent, and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the
forgiveness of your sins". Acts 22 has Saul (Paul) being told to "Get up and be baptized, and wash away your sins, calling on His name."<br />
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These are strange statements to me. Some of them I can make sense of, but not all. The context isn't as helpful as I would like. Are some of these statements partially in response to ideas of the day I don't know about? What's the original Greek say? This is why I'm a little lost right now. <br />
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Overall, I've read some fascinating eye-opening things. And they keep leading me to thinking I need to get my kid baptized.<br /><br />This is going to get interesting real quick.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2539879796456184267.post-51941179291363223722012-05-18T12:00:00.000-06:002012-05-18T12:00:05.058-06:00Peds and Creeds Part 3So, Sacraments.<br />
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Again, Sacraments seem fairly consistently defined as a
"means of grace", though some definitions do include that they can be considered an outward sign of inward grace as well. Or possibly
instead. <br />
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The Protestant Sacraments are Baptism and Communion.<br />
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(You know you're getting deeply theological when that many words in one sentence need to be capitalized.)<br />
<br />I've already mentioned that <a href="http://desertpetrichor.blogspot.com/2012/02/into-mouth-of-babes.html" target="_blank">my very young son participates in Communion</a> now. Our decision to have him participate was a very natural one, not nearly as agonizing and deep as this one is turning out to be. The church we are in makes it clear that Communion is open to anyone, even young children, so we just took him with us one time - I don't even remember exactly why. Probably because we loved it so much. I had no qualms about it, no reservations; my conscience didn't make a peep - and in fact, now cringes at the thought of *not* letting him. But now that I look back, I realize it was a shockingly uncharacteristic thing for a former Fundamentalist to do.<br />
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The way he responds to Communion is really a bit unnerving. Both my husband and I noticed it immediately. He's very solemn, and it's clearly a holy time for him. I can't begin to describe how eerie it is to see a barely- two-year-old child have an innate sense of the awe and wonder of Christ at Communion. <br />
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Now, if Communion is a Sacrament, and my child participates freely and intelligently in that, why should Baptism be any different?<br />
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I honestly can't think of a very good answer.Clara Englishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03017447286733998233noreply@blogger.com0